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News from Paddington, 2015-08-28

@mildbyte 7 years, 9 months ago | paddington | writing |

News from Paddington! It's News from Paddington time again!

  • A TNS census taker tried to test me today as I was walking out of London Bridge station. I ate her liver with some fava bean... I mean, responded to the survey. She asked my name in the end and wrote it down. I saw her name on the badge and realised she was from Latvia as well. We exchanged that secret Latvian stare and went our separate ways without saying a word in Latvian.
  • Some really low-tempo and really loud RnB/soul music is playing in a housemate's room. You know, the kind that you put on when you're doing something that can potentially be loud and don't want anyone else to hear it. News from Paddington will keep an eye... ear on the events as they unfold.
    UPDATE: the music has stopped and five minutes later News from Paddington heard what seemed to be two male voices, one of which said "Bye!", and then the door shutting!
    UPDATE 2: The first male voice is also talking to a female voice! News from Paddington will continue reporting on the life of this remarkable individual!
  • Vietnamese food. "We're cooking meat. You know what would go well with it? This oyster sauce! You know what else would go well with it? This sugar!"
  • Notting Hill Carnival on Sunday! What a great time to enjoy the rest of London!
  • A Jehovah's Witness came to our headquarters on a Saturday a couple of weeks ago and gave us a magazine about cells.
  • A Jehovah's Witness came to our headquarters on a Saturday a week ago and gave us a magazine about cells.
  • News from Paddington is considering buying a horse head mask for when the Jehovah's Witness comes to our headquarters next time. And a box for magazines about cells.
  • News from Paddington is going to change its headquarters in a couple of weeks! It won't be News from Paddington anymore, instead being something like News from St John's Wood or News from Poplar. Hopefully it will still be popular then.

This edition of News from Paddington was brought to you by Chilango on King William Street. We spoke to King William Chilango, founder of Chilango on King William Street and the owner and sole proprietor of King William Street, where Chilango on King William Street is located. He is also the founder of Burger King, the frontman of Crimson King, the producer of the musical Kinky Boots, the mastermind behind King's Speech, and the inventor of King-sized beds. In his spare time, he enjoys walKING, talKING and fuc.... spending time with his wife.

"Mr King William, what would you say about Chilango on King William Street, a restaurant that you opened?"
"It's really good!"

There you have it, folks! "Chilango on King William Street! It's really good!"

News from Paddington, 2015-08-07

@mildbyte 7 years, 10 months ago | paddington | writing |

By popular request, more news from Paddington!

  • The gods of M&S on Edgware Road now have definitely decreed that I look over 25. Every time a member of staff taps "Customer does not require ID", I die inside a little.
  • Chicken Cottage on Praed Street is really good!
  • Flying ants everywhere!
  • Need to start a high-end car diary. So far this week, I've seen a McLaren, two Ferrari, a Lamborghini, a Ford GT, dozens of Porsche and countless Bentley.
  • "Sorry mate, I don't do coppers" -- some beggar
  • "Rail replacement service. Out of service" -- some bus

This edition was sponsored by Chicken Cottage on Praed Street. "Chicken Cottage on Praed Street! It's really good!"

News from Paddington, 2015-07-12

@mildbyte 7 years, 11 months ago | paddington | writing |

Just a normal week in Paddington. On Tuesday as I was waiting at a pedestrian intersection, a guy standing next to me just said

"We hold Christian lunches every Monday at the Smiths pub."
"Sorry, what?"
"We hold Christian lunches every Monday at the Smiths pub."
"Oh, okay."

That was the end of the conversation, the light changed to green and we went our separate ways. He didn't try to sell me anything, just really wanted to share this nugget of information.

Yesterday evening as I was walking back from Sainsbury's, this guy walking next to me said in a heavy accent:

"My friend, do you smoke marijuana?"
"Umm, no, sorry."
"How about cocaine?"
"Okay, have a good evening!"

Not sure if naive undercover cop or a naive drug dealer.

What is this district I don't even. The most polite and the weirdest place ever.

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