"...I was visiting a bar there, not unlike this one. They serve beer, not quite as good as this, but close. ... So, I'm sitting there, and in walks the biggest News I have ever seen. Big as shit. Just walks right in like it owns the place. Now, nobody knew quite what to make of it, or quite what to think. There it was and in it walked."
Thank you, Steve Buscemi. Time for the really short flu/cold season edition of News from Paddington, named after what News from Paddington thinks it has after a two-week long paracetamol and ibuprofen binge that presumably keeps the fever and the rest of the pain away. Incidentally, if anyone ever tells you to have anything that is a fancy brand name for any two of those things and also gets offended when you instead pick up the store-branded chemical and calls you a fool, News from Paddington authorizes you to punch them in the face. Please don't mention News from Paddington when you do this -- we've had enough trouble with the Bobajam incident already. Do consider doing the same thing when you're recommended to overdose yourself on Vitamin C because that will only make sure that whoever drinks the piss of the person who drinks your piss will never have scurvy again. Prefer paracetamol to ibuprofen -- as far as News from Paddington knows, stomach lining transplants aren't a thing and liver transplants are. This should not be considered medical advice -- take this with a grain of salt. Incidentally, the jury is still out on gargling with salt.
If you were food, where you would be? That's right, the next section.